A Dramatic Tale of Roots, Relocation & Really Itchy Humans
Locations: Austin • Cedar Park • San Antonio • Houston/Katy
Hi folks, it’s me again—Larry the Louse, your friendly neighborhood scalp squatter. I’ve got some family drama to unload, and honestly, if I don’t vent, my exoskeleton might crack.
We lice have always been a close-knit bunch (pun absolutely intended). My great-great-great-great-great—well, add about a thousand more “greats”—grand-louse settled on humans generations ago. We’ve lived in many homesteads since, but this current scalp? Chef’s kiss. A cozy subdivision of hair strands, louse kids scampering everywhere… it’s chaotic, but it’s home.
Lately, though? Things are getting tight.
The Great Louse Divide of 2025
Having a hundred siblings and cousins sounds adorable on paper—instant friends, built-in babysitters, endless gossip. But in reality? It’s itchy pandemonium.
Just last week, my middle brother—Lance the Louse, drama incarnate—climbed up Strand 47 and declared:
“We can’t keep living like this! It’s overcrowded! I’m starting a NEW colony!”
Classic middle-child energy.
Now half the family is whispering about “relocating” to fresher, less populated neighborhoods. Some are even talking about migrating to a new host. Calm down, Lance. You’re not an explorer. You barely survived kindergarten.
But if the family splits… what happens to our holiday buffets? Our shared traditions of family games; hide in the hair strand and seek, the great egg hunt, tag a nymph. We have so much fun.
A Little Lice Science Break
(Yes, Larry Is Educated.)
Here’s why things get crowded faster than a mall on tax-free weekend:
*One female louse—like my mother, bless her multitasking soul—lays 6 to 10 eggs every single day.
*Those eggs hatch in about a week.
*Our nursery turnover rate rivals fast-food drive-thrus.
*A louse family can grow from 2 to 100 in just 30 days.
*We multiply faster than online discount codes on Black Friday.
*So yes… when Aunt Linda alone has 24 kids with four more on the way, things start feeling a bit cozy.
The Real Threat
(And No, It’s Not Family Drama)
You’d think our biggest problem would be Lance forming the Louse Liberation Front.
But no.
We all know the real threat—the reason every louse wakes up in a cold sweat:
Lice Clinics of Texas.
Even whispering their name makes my antennae wilt.
Their heated-air device? Terrifying.
Their one-hour treatment? Absolutely brutal.
Their success rate? Frankly, rude.
Family disagreements are one thing…
But a full-on eviction by Lice Clinics of Texas?
Now that’s the real nightmare.
Anyway… Please Wish Me Luck
Call us: (512) 715-4824